The Onion

‘Where’s The Rest Of It?’ Screams Yale President Standing Over Shaking Alumni Fundraiser Who Didn’t Make Quota

NEW HAVEN, CT—Rolling a copy of the Yale Alumni Magazine into a makeshift but effective bludgeon, Yale university president Peter Salovey demanded Wednesday that the trembling, weeping alumni fundraiser getting blood on his office floor tell him where the rest of the money was. “You dumb motherfucker, this ain’t…

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