The Onion

‘Where’s The Rest Of It?’ Screams Yale President Standing Over Shaking Alumni Fundraiser Who Didn’t Make Quota

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NEW HAVEN, CT—Rolling a copy of the Yale Alumni Magazine into a makeshift but effective bludgeon, Yale university president Peter Salovey demanded Wednesday that the trembling, weeping alumni fundraiser getting blood on his office floor tell him where the rest of the money was. “You dumb motherfucker, this ain’t…

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The Onion

Frustrated Hospital Worker Rounds Up Gurneys Patients Failed To Put in Parking Lot Corrals

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

COLUMBUS, OH—Grumbling under her breath about the lack of consideration for others, Riverside Methodist Hospital worker Deborah LaBrunda expressed frustration Thursday while rounding up gurneys that patients had left scattered across the parking lot after failing to put them in the corrals where they belonged. “How… Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Men Killed By Kyle Rittenhouse Can Be Called ‘Looters,’ Not ‘Victims,’ Judge Rules

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

A judge has ruled that the men shot and killed by Kyle Rittenhouse during a protest last year could be referred to as “rioters” or “looters” during the trial, but not as “victims.” What do you think? Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Trump Tested Positive For Covid Ahead Of 2020 Debate With Biden

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

Trump’s Chief of Staff Mark Meadows claims in a new book that ​​the former president first tested positive for Covid-19 three days before his first debate with Joe Biden in 2020, and nine days before being hospitalized for the virus. What do you think? Read more from the Onion

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