Want To Make These Amazing Glitter Bagels? Too Bad, They’re My Secret Recipe And I’ll Never Tell, Even If You Shoot My Kids In Front Of Me

Babies Survive Tornado That Carried Them Away In Bathtub

Two babies survived one of the deadly tornadoes that hit Kentucky two weeks ago after the bathtub they were sheltering in was ripped out of the ground and tossed with them inside, their grandmother later finding them in the yard with only minor injuries. What do you think? Read more from the Onion

Serta Recalls 200,000 Mercy Killing Pillows

DORAVILLE, GA—Acknowledging its culpability in a recent series of botched euthanasia attempts, international bedding giant Serta expressed remorse Wednesday and issued a recall for 200,000 of the company’s mercy killing pillows. “We wish to apologize to customers who were unable to put a loved one out of their misery… Read more from the Onion

Things You Should Never Text Your Ex After A Breakup

It may be tempting to reach out, but that restraining order is no joke. Here are several things you should never text your ex after a breakup. Read more from the Onion