The Onion

Tim Duncan Claims He Has Helped Over 20,000 Women With Sensible Retirement Planning

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SAN ANTONIO, TX—Coming clean about his off-the-court exploits during his 19 years in the NBA, former San Antonio Spurs power forward Tim Duncan reportedly claimed Thursday that he has helped over 20,000 women with sensible retirement planning. “In my playing days, every city we played in, I had at least a couple women…

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Capitol Riot Suspect Seeking Political Asylum In Belarus

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Report: Majority Of Americans Would Support A New War If There Were Elephants Involved

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

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The Onion

Lost Hiker Ignored Rescue Calls Because Of Unknown Number

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

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