The Onion

TikTok Helps Kidnapper Find Teen

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump Comment(0)


ROLLINGWOOD, TX—Lauding the app for its incredible power, authorities credited TikTok Wednesday for helping a kidnapper find local teenager Hailey Lamb. “People think of TikTok as just some frivolous app for kids, but this just goes to show it can have life-changing applications,” said police lieutenant John Martinez,…

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The Onion

San Francisco Skyscraper Tilting 3 Inches Per Year

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

Engineers are rushing to stabilize San Francisco’s Millennium Tower, a 58-story, 645-foot tall luxury residential skyscraper that has been sinking into the ground by three inches per year, and is now leaning over two feet off of center. What do you think? Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Lakers’ Staples Center To Become Crypto.Com Arena In $700 Million Deal

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

A Singapore-based cryptocurrency platform called Crypto.com has bought the naming rights to the home arena of the Los Angeles Lakers in a $700 million deal, with the change taking effect on Christmas Day this year. What do you think? Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Boss Wouldn’t Be Such A Jerk If He Knew About Negative Depiction In Employee’s Unpublished Novel

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

BALTIMORE, MD—Assured that her superior would rue the day he treated his employees so rudely, local woman Amanda Lassen confirmed Monday that her boss, Doug Southerton, wouldn’t act like such a jerk if he only knew how he was depicted in her unpublished novel. “He [Southerton] thinks it’s fun to throw his weight… Read more…

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