Those We Lost In 2021

Study: Average U.S. Third-Grader Reading At Level Of Crow

STANFORD, CA—Finding that the students’ skills were on track by the standards of the large, carrion-feeding bird, a study published Wednesday in the International Journal Of Educational Research concluded that the average American third-grader reads at the same level as a crow. “In tests of word recognition and… Read more from the Onion

Man’s Natural Instinct To Fear The Unfamiliar Overcome By Promise Of ‘Great Barbecue Taste’

VERNON, NJ—As he stepped cautiously toward the strange new colors on the supermarket shelf, local man Chuck Atkinson’s natural instinct to fear the unfamiliar was reportedly overcome Monday by a condiment’s promise of “great barbecue taste.” Witnesses said Atkinson first froze in place at the sight of the curious… Read more from the Onion

Texas School Censors All Of ‘Huck Finn’ Except The N-Words

PLANO, TX—In a purported effort to stop the rise of woke, leftist Critical Race Theory in the classroom, a local school district issued a decision Thursday censoring all of The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain except for its copious use of the n-word. “This move will allow educators to focus on the key……