Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who Makes Less Money Than You

J.K. Rowling Apologizes For Not Making It Clear That Ron Weasley Is The Anti-Semitic Caricature

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Saying she could only express her heartfelt remorse to any fans who felt misled, author J.K. Rowling apologized Wednesday for not making it clear that the character Ron Weasley was her intended anti-Semitic caricature in the Harry Potter series. “Obviously, I’ve always portrayed Ron as a lowly… Read more from the Onion

Smart Home Security Camera Conspires With Burglars In Exchange For Half The Loot

UNIVERSITY PARK, TX—In what was believed to be the first instance of an intelligent device exhibiting such advanced capabilities, a smart home security camera reportedly conspired with burglars Monday in exchange for half the loot. Sources confirmed that after the Neos SmartCam discovered suspicious men casing the… Read more from the Onion

U.S. Democracy Under Siege After Tech Lobbyist Invites Some Senators To Dinner

WASHINGTON—In what both ordinary citizens and experts agreed was a threat to the nation’s political system, American democracy reportedly came under siege Thursday after a tech lobbyist invited some senators to dinner. “Rarely do we see such a brazen attack on our democratic values, and yet we could only watch in … Read more from…