The Onion Reviews ‘Licorice Pizza’

Neil Young Demands Spotify Remove His Music Over Joe Rogan Vaccine Misinformation

Musician Neil Young wrote an open letter to his management and record label, demanding his classic song library be removed from Spotify if they continue to allow podcast hosts like Joe Rogan a platform to spread Covid-19 misinformation. What do you think? Read more from the Onion

Nestlé Announces Consumers Free To Sexualize Raisinets All They Want

VEVEY, SWITZERLAND—Pledging to never stand in the way of the “raw animal magnetism” the candies were world-renowned for, Nestlé released a statement Friday announcing that consumers were free to sexualize Raisinets all they wanted. “Whether you want to use a box to stimulate yourself to the point of orgasm, or simply… Read more from the…

Archaeologists’ Discovery Of Skeleton From 2.7 Years Ago Sheds No New Light On Anything

RIVERSIDE, CA—In a meaningless discovery of no consequence whatsoever, archaeologists at the University of California, Riverside, announced Friday that their recent excavation of skeletal remains belonging to a human who walked the earth 2.7 years ago shed absolutely no new light on anything. “After conducting… Read more from the Onion