The Onion

Tennis Star Novak Djokovic Deported From Australia After Losing Visa Battle

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Australian officials have deported Novak Djokovic after the tennis star, who is unvaccinated against Covid-19, lost his final bid to stay in the country to play as the No. 1 seed in the Australian Open and defend his title. What do you think?

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The Onion

Report: Catapult Industry Won’t Survive Another Year Without Medieval War Breaking Out

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

CASTELNAUD-LA-CHAPELLE, FRANCE—Noting a sharp decline in demand over the past five centuries, a new economic report released Friday revealed that the catapult industry would not survive another year unless a medieval war broke out sometime in the next 12 months. “According to our research, the catapult could be… Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Kentucky Derby Winner Medina Spirit Dies During Track Workout

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

Medina Spirit, the controversial Kentucky Derby-winning horse that tested positive for betamethasone, died at the Santa Anita racetrack after the 3-year-old colt collapsed from a heart attack during a routine workout. What do you think? Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Bank Hostages Whining As If They Not Getting Whole Day Off Work

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

NEW YORK—Refusing to maintain a good attitude and make the most of the situation, hostages at a midtown branch of People’s United Bank reportedly spent Wednesday whining as if they weren’t getting the whole day off work. “Jeez, I understand that getting tied up and thrown in the vault might be a little annoying,… Read…

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