The Onion

Study: Average U.S. Third-Grader Reading At Level Of Crow

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STANFORD, CA—Finding that the students’ skills were on track by the standards of the large, carrion-feeding bird, a study published Wednesday in the International Journal Of Educational Research concluded that the average American third-grader reads at the same level as a crow. “In tests of word recognition and…

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The Onion

‘Real Housewives’ Faces Backlash Over Decision To Film In Misogynistic, Homophobic Location Of New Jersey

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

NEW YORK—Drawing ire from critics who slammed the choice as “completely unethical,” producers of the Real Housewives franchise faced backlash Thursday over their decision to film in the misogynistic, homophobic location of New Jersey. “It’s bad enough the U.S. government has normalized relations with them—we don’t… Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Hospital Unveils New Delivery Taprooms For Bonding With Newborn Over Couple Beers

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

DENVER—Calling the first 48 hours of a child’s life a critical period of parental development, the University of Colorado Hospital Birth Center announced the opening Thursday of its first delivery taprooms, in which parents can spend time bonding with newborns over a couple of beers. “Research shows that sitting down… Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Instagram Now Telling Users To Take A Break From Using App

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

Instagram has started offering “take a break” reminders if users have been scrolling on the social media app for too long, pinging people after 10, 20 or 30 minutes of scrolling to suggest that they switch activities. What do you think? Read more from the Onion

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