The Onion

Spotify Removes Default Shuffle Feature At Adele’s Request

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Spotify has removed a play button that automatically shuffled songs regardless of an album’s track list after singer-songwriter Adele requested the change ahead of the release of her fourth studio album. What do you think?

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The Onion

Democrats Reach Deal To Introduce Landmark Fundraising Email

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

WASHINGTON—Hailing it as a historic agreement and a culmination of President Biden’s domestic agenda, congressional Democrats successfully reached a deal Thursday to introduce a landmark fundraising email. “We couldn’t be more thrilled to put forward this extensive, once-in-a-generation communique, which is the first… Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Walgreens Customer Really Pushing It With Amount Of Non-Medical Stuff She’s Bringing To Pharmacy Counter

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

CHICAGO—According to annoyed sources who saw the woman breeze past the long checkout line to the back of the store, a local Walgreens customer was really pushing it Thursday with regards to the amount of non-medical stuff she intended to buy at the pharmacy counter. “If she expects the pharmacist to ring all that up,……
The Onion

FDA Recalls Millions Of Chili Peppers, Citing Fact That If You Chop Them And Touch Your Junk, Your Junk Will Burn

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

WASHINGTON—Advising consumers to check their kitchens for contamination as soon as possible, the Food and Drug Administration announced an immediate recall Wednesday of millions of U.S.-sold chili peppers after finding evidence that if you chop them and then touch your junk, your junk will burn. “Due to the serious… Read more from the Onion

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