Self-Deprecating Comments That Are Actually Really Harmful

Top Free Agents Of The MLB Offseason

Although not as funny as Gabriel Iglesias or as good of a singer as Enrique Iglesias, Raisel is the best option baseball wise if you’re choosing an Iglesias. Read more from the Onion

Bounty Scientists Scream As Experimental Paper Towel Absorbs Entire Lab

CINCINNATI—In a horrifying accident that is said to have resulted from obsessive and irresponsible attempts to develop a product with the thickest quilting possible, multiple scientists at paper towel manufacturer Bounty reportedly died screaming Friday after an experimental prototype absorbed their entire lab. “My… Read more from the Onion

Kyle Rittenhouse Acquitted Of All Charges In Kenosha Shootings

A jury has acquitted Kyle Rittenhouse of all charges in the shooting deaths of two men and wounding of a third at a Wisconsin protest against racial injustice last year, in a case that has intensified the debate over vigilantism, policing, and guns. What do you think? Read more from the Onion