The Onion

Report: Majority Of Americans Would Support A New War If There Were Elephants Involved

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STANFORD, CA—Since the darkest days of the War on Terror, popular support for overseas military conflicts has dwindled among Americans, but according to a report released Wednesday by the Hoover Institution, the majority of the nation would approve of a new war if elephants were used in combat. “Of all potential…

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The Onion

Study: Grandmothers May Hold Deeper Bond With Grandchildren Than Own Children

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

A new study suggests that grandmothers are more emotionally connected to their grandchildren than to their own children after brain scans showed regions associated with emotional empathy activated looking at photos of grandchildren while only regions for cognitive empathy activated when looking at photos of their… Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Climate Scientists Warn That Fish Will Be Under Even More Water By 2065

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

SEATTLE—Citing models that showed how rising temperatures and melting sea ice were contributing to the phenomenon, scientists affiliated with the Climate Impacts Group at the University of Washington warned Thursday that fish would be under even more water by the year 2065. “If we fail to combat the climate crisis,… Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Oakley Introduces Line Of Sunglasses For Front Of Head

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

FOOTHILL RANCH, CA—In an effort to market “something a little bit different” to diehard fans of its lifestyle brand, sports apparel company Oakley unveiled a new line of sunglasses Monday specifically designed for wear on the front of the head. “We’re excited to expand into eyewear with these sleek new performance… Read more from the…

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