The Onion

Poll: 72% Of Americans Keeping Holiday Gatherings To Household

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According to a new survey, 72% of poll respondents said they plan to limit their holiday celebrations to members of their household, while 51% will request guests wear masks due to the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic. What do you think?

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The Onion

Single Woman Wonders How Long She’d Be Dead In Apartment Before Anyone Bothered To Come By And Eat Her Face

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

CHICAGO—Imagining all the ways she could accidentally injure herself without being able to call for help, local single woman Billie Gorman reportedly wondered aloud Tuesday how long she could lie dead in her apartment before anyone bothered to come by and eat her face. “It’s a very real possibility I could be here… Read more…
The Onion

FDA Approves First Injectable HIV Prevention Drug

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

For the first time, the Food and Drug Administration has approved a long-acting injectable medication that can be administered every two months as a pre-exposure prophylaxis (or PrEP) against HIV, providing an alternative to daily pills. What do you think? Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Climate Scientists Warn That Fish Will Be Under Even More Water By 2065

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

SEATTLE—Citing models that showed how rising temperatures and melting sea ice were contributing to the phenomenon, scientists affiliated with the Climate Impacts Group at the University of Washington warned Thursday that fish would be under even more water by the year 2065. “If we fail to combat the climate crisis,… Read more from the Onion

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