The Onion

Police Honor Beloved Officer Lost In Line Of Due Process

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CHICAGO—In a well-attended ceremony held to recognize their fellow officer’s long and distinguished career, Chicago police officials gathered Thursday to honor Richard Citterton, an 18-year veteran of the force who was lost Thursday in the line of due process. “Today we mourn the loss of a beloved police officer,…

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Man Horrified After Genealogy Test Confirms He Has No Past

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MIDWEST CITY, OK—Expressing shock after the laboratory report listed his origin as simply “N/A,” local resident Greg Hurt confirmed he was completely horrified Tuesday after a genealogy test confirmed he did not have a past. “No…it can’t…it can’t be—I come from nowhere?” Hurt said as he scanned his results from the… Read more from the…
The Onion

If Someone Gives You A Bad Gift, Do Not Say These Things

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Kyle Rittenhouse Acquitted Of All Charges In Kenosha Shootings

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

A jury has acquitted Kyle Rittenhouse of all charges in the shooting deaths of two men and wounding of a third at a Wisconsin protest against racial injustice last year, in a case that has intensified the debate over vigilantism, policing, and guns. What do you think? Read more from the Onion

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