The Onion

Pfizer Granted Emergency Use For Pill That Kills You Before Covid Can

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WASHINGTON—Stressing that the “revolutionary treatment” could change the way we fight the novel coronavirus, drug manufacturer Pfizer was granted emergency use authorization Wednesday for a pill that kills you before Covid can. “After several months of testing, Pfizer has successfully created an oral medication…

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The Onion

Chicago City Workers Clear Ice By Pouring Hot Beef Drippings Onto Roads

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

CHICAGO—Using the rendered animal fat to limit the impact of winter weather, Chicago city workers reportedly cleared ice Friday by pouring hot beef drippings onto roads. “In order to ensure residents can safely commute around the city, we are working around the clock to clear streets of ice and snow by coating them… Read more…
The Onion

Lies Men Will Tell To Get You To Sleep With Them

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

Unfortunately, men are pigs who will say just about anything to trick you into sleeping with them. Here are lies you should definitely watch out for before going home with some random guy at a bar. Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Worst Instagram Captions To Announce Your Engagement

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

Don’t start your marriage off on the wrong foot by destroying your already-pathetic internet presence. If you’re announcing your engagement on Instagram, avoid these captions at all costs. Read more from the Onion

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