The Onion

Overwhelmed Arizona Hospitals Turning Away Patients Who Need Cactus Spines Plucked From Bare Asses

PHOENIX, AZ—With a rise in covid cases straining the state’s healthcare resources, overwhelmed Arizona hospitals were reportedly forced Tuesday to turn away patients who needed cactus spines plucked from their bare asses. “Unfortunately, our waiting room has already surpassed the limited number of chairs available for…

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