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AUSTIN, TX—Calling the move “an important step in protecting the unborn,” Texas lawmakers passed legislation Thursday banning residents’ access to tall staircases in an effort to prevent women with unwanted pregnancies from getting any ideas. “We are proud to affirm the sanctity of life with this bill prohibiting… Read more from the Onion
CLEVELAND—Praising the incredible healing power of terrible art, local moron Todd Beram credited shitty music with helping him through some of the hardest times in his pointless life, sources confirmed Wednesday. “During some of my lowest moments, when I feel like I just want to disappear or that I can’t possibly go… Read more from…
The results from numerous state and local elections on Tuesday have quickly driven debate over the fate of each party and the U.S. electorate at large. The Onion looks at key takeaways from the 2021 elections. Read more from the Onion