The Onion

Nation’s Mothers Demand To Know Where You Heard That Word

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WASHINGTON—Glowering into the cameras and turning beet red as they scowled, the nation’s mothers held a press conference Thursday demanding to know where you heard that word. “Get over here, mister—get over here now,” said 38-year-old Deandra O’Neill of Austin, TX who was just one of millions of mothers from small…

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Nancy Pelosi Introduces Landmark Legislation To Provide Aid For Struggling Personal Stock Portfolio

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

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Report: Catapult Industry Won’t Survive Another Year Without Medieval War Breaking Out

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

CASTELNAUD-LA-CHAPELLE, FRANCE—Noting a sharp decline in demand over the past five centuries, a new economic report released Friday revealed that the catapult industry would not survive another year unless a medieval war broke out sometime in the next 12 months. “According to our research, the catapult could be… Read more from the Onion

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