Most Insidious Ways Politicians Have Curtailed U.S. Voting Rights

Sobering Effects

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‘And What Do You Want Me To Do, Brush Every Night?’ Snaps Jen Psaki At Dentist Suggesting She Could Improve Oral Hygiene

WASHINGTON—Bristling at the suggestion that more could be done to maintain good oral hygiene, White House press secretary Jen Psaki reportedly snapped at her dentist Thursday, questioning whether he seriously expected her to brush every night. “What exactly is the core premise of this line of questioning, Dr. Hoffman?… Read more from the Onion

Somewhat Athletic Couple Gives Birth To Potential Division III Lacrosse Player

SPARTANBURG, SC—Friends and relatives were reportedly making predictions about the new baby’s sporting prospects Thursday after a somewhat athletic couple gave birth to a potential Division III lacrosse player. “Man, knowing who his parents are, Callum could be in the 60th, 65th percentile in terms of raw speed, and I… Read more from the Onion