Making Mashed Potatoes Like The Pilgrims

Smart Home Security Camera Conspires With Burglars In Exchange For Half The Loot

UNIVERSITY PARK, TX—In what was believed to be the first instance of an intelligent device exhibiting such advanced capabilities, a smart home security camera reportedly conspired with burglars Monday in exchange for half the loot. Sources confirmed that after the Neos SmartCam discovered suspicious men casing the… Read more from the Onion

We Ask Dr. Fauci About What He’s Planning For The Next Pandemic

Fauci: Yes, I’ve seen the cartoon drawings of me with a six-pack, and it’s flattering, obviously. I bought some for friends. It’s fun. I show them off at parties. I put them on my business card. It makes me laugh, you know? I put them up on my walls. I smile when I see them.…

Authorities Recruit Jared Fogle From Prison To Help Bring Down Horrifying New Subway Steak ‘Cali Fresh’ Sandwich

JEFFERSON COUNTY, CO—Tapping the convicted pedophile and former Subway spokesperson to aid in their efforts, authorities reportedly recruited Jared Fogle from prison Wednesday in order to help bring down the horrifying new Subway Steak “Cali Fresh” sandwich. “We know you’ve done some bad, bad shit in the past, but we… Read more from the Onion