The Onion

Janet Yellen Announces Americans Can Use Promo Code ‘THANKS’ For 10% Off All U.S. Goods And Services

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WASHINGTON—In a unique and limited-time offer for residents of the United States only, Janet Yellen announced Tuesday that Americans could use the promo code “THANKS” for 10% off all U.S. goods and services. “This Thanksgiving, the Treasury Department is saying ‘thanks’ with an exclusive promotion just for taxpayers,…

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The Onion

FTC Questions Merger Of Google With U.S. Government

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

WASHINGTON—Saying the move sparked antitrust concerns, as well as fears about the increased concentration of power in fewer corporate hands, the Federal Trade Commission questioned Tuesday the merger of Google with the U.S. government. “The proposal to merge Google, the three branches of government, and all 137… Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Email Turns 50

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

This year marks the 50th anniversary since computer engineer Ray Tomlinson sent the first email on ARPANET, kicking off one of the integral parts of today’s information technology landscape. The Onion looks back at key moments in the 50-year history of email. Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Fish Way Too High On OxyContin Runoff To Give A Shit About Species’ Inevitable Extinction

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

SEATTLE—In a highly euphoric state after consuming opioids that had traveled downstream from a wastewater treatment plant, a local fish confirmed Tuesday that he was too high on OxyContin runoff to give a shit about the inevitable extinction of his species. “Man, I am fucking blasted right now!” the 36-inch male… Read more from the…

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