The Onion

Jameis Winston To Freeze Knee Until Future Generations Find Cure For Torn ACL

NEW ORLEANS—Looking to the distant future for the hope he felt he could not find today, Saints quarterback Jameis Winston opted Thursday to cryogenically freeze his knee in the hopes future generations find a cure for a torn ACL. “I have no hope with today’s technology, but I’m hoping in 500 years we will have…

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