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WASHINGTON—In the wake of revelations that military leaders had intentionally buried evidence of civilian casualties caused on their watch, Americans assured the Pentagon Tuesday that they did not care enough to make covering up such strikes worthwhile. “You guys seem to be putting a lot of effort into concealing the… Read more from the Onion
‘You Know, If I Were You, I’d Go After Finland,’ Says Biden Trying To Dissuade Putin From Invading Ukraine
WASHINGTON—In an effort to dissuade the Russian leader from invading Ukraine, President Joe Biden reportedly told Vladimir Putin Wednesday, “You know, if I were you, I’d go after Finland.” “Ukraine’s cool and everything, but Finland has, like, an eighth of the people and twice the GDP—it’d be a breeze to annex,… Read more from the…
BOSTON—In a groundbreaking study of burglary-response tactics published Tuesday, researchers at Northeastern University’s School of Criminology and Criminal Justice found that 87% of home invasions were foiled when victims nervously muttered, “Who’s there?” upon hearing a strange noise. “Our extensive analysis of… Read more from the Onion