The Onion

Employees Immediately Tune Out CEO’s Speech After He Mentions There Won’t Be Layoffs

ST. LOUIS, MO—Exhaling in relief after several minutes of listening intently to the company-wide meeting, employees at local marketing firm Trend Studios confirmed they immediately tuned out their CEO’s remotely delivered speech Friday as soon as he mentioned layoffs would not be necessary. “He just told us our Q3…

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