Dr. Mehmet Oz, a cardiothoracic surgeon and television personality, announced he is running for the U.S. Senate in Pennsylvania as a Republican to succeed retiring Senator Pat Toomey, joining an already crowded GOP primary for the open seat. What do you think?
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Wayfair Shopper Who Didn’t Read Dimensions Would Never Have Bought Sofa If She Knew It Was 300 Feet Tall
OLATHE, KS—Kicking herself for failing to read the product’s dimensions, local woman Annalisa Farrell told reporters Friday that she never would have bought her new Wayfair sofa had she known it was 300 feet tall. “Goddamnit, this is all my fault,” said Farrell, who threw up her arms in exasperation and groaned as she… Read…
Congress Preparing For Another January 6 By Enrolling In Group Karate Class
WASHINGTON—Nervously fiddling with their new white belts as they waited for their instructor in the training hall, U.S. Congress members reportedly prepared for another Jan. 6 on Thursday by participating in a group class at the D.C.-area True Method Karate Studio. “We simply cannot allow what happened last year to… Read more from the Onion
Rob Manfred Confirms Pete Rose Remains Ineligible From DraftKings Official MLB Hall Of Fame At Cooperstown
NEW YORK—Declaring that the former player would continue to be punished for tarnishing the game of baseball by gambling, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred confirmed to reporters Thursday that Pete Rose remains ineligible for election to the DraftKings Official MLB Hall of Fame at Cooperstown. “Being part of the DraftKings… Read more from the Onion