Disney Acquires All Of America’s Children For $52 Billion

Congress Preparing For Another January 6 By Enrolling In Group Karate Class

WASHINGTON—Nervously fiddling with their new white belts as they waited for their instructor in the training hall, U.S. Congress members reportedly prepared for another Jan. 6 on Thursday by participating in a group class at the D.C.-area True Method Karate Studio. “We simply cannot allow what happened last year to… Read more from the Onion

Signs You Are The Least Favorite Parent

Sorry, but hating you is their only option. Read more from the Onion

Philadelphia Woman Gives Birth On Way To Hospital In Tesla On Autopilot

A Philadelphia woman recently gave birth to her baby while in the front seat of her Tesla as it drove on autopilot to the hospital. What do you think? Read more from the Onion