The Onion

Despondent Buffalo Fan Wonders If Day Will Ever Come When He Too Blackout Drunk To Remember Bills Super Bowl Victory

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EAST AURORA, NY—Lamenting that he may never get a chance to miss the greatest day of his life, local Buffalo Bills fan Mark Padula was reportedly despondent Thursday as he wondered if a day would ever come when he would be too blackout drunk to remember a Bills victory in the Super Bowl. “I’ve been a fan for almost 30…

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