The Onion

Crypto-Averse Man Would Prefer Investing In Traditional Stock Market He Also Doesn’t Understand

FORT WORTH, TX—Dismissing the technology as a flash in the pan and doomed to fail, cryptocurrency-averse man Tim Blankenship told reporters Friday that he would prefer investing in a traditional stock market that he also doesn’t understand. “Call me old-fashioned, but I’d much rather trust my life savings with a more…

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