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‘The Onion’ Remembers Betty White
Betty White died on Dec. 31, 2021, after an entertainment career spanning seven decades. The Onion looks back at the most memorable moments from her star-studded life. Read more from the Onion
Damian Lillard Gives Trailblazers List Of 12,482 Preferred Trade Destinations
PORTLAND—Expressing a willingness to work with Portland on figuring out the best deal for both parties, Damian Lillard told reporters Wednesday that he has provided the Trailblazers with a list of 12,482 preferred trade destinations. “My list definitely includes the Lakers, the Nets, any Euroleague team, and every… Read more from the Onion
Bank Hostages Whining As If They Not Getting Whole Day Off Work
NEW YORK—Refusing to maintain a good attitude and make the most of the situation, hostages at a midtown branch of People’s United Bank reportedly spent Wednesday whining as if they weren’t getting the whole day off work. “Jeez, I understand that getting tied up and thrown in the vault might be a little annoying,… Read…