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Chicago City Workers Clear Ice By Pouring Hot Beef Drippings Onto Roads
CHICAGO—Using the rendered animal fat to limit the impact of winter weather, Chicago city workers reportedly cleared ice Friday by pouring hot beef drippings onto roads. “In order to ensure residents can safely commute around the city, we are working around the clock to clear streets of ice and snow by coating them… Read more…
Despondent Buffalo Fan Wonders If Day Will Ever Come When He Too Blackout Drunk To Remember Bills Super Bowl Victory
EAST AURORA, NY—Lamenting that he may never get a chance to miss the greatest day of his life, local Buffalo Bills fan Mark Padula was reportedly despondent Thursday as he wondered if a day would ever come when he would be too blackout drunk to remember a Bills victory in the Super Bowl. “I’ve been…
Move Over, Grapes: 10 Other Things You Can Stomp On To Make Something Happen
The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source. Read more from the Onion