BREAKING: The Tower…The Chariot Reversed…And Death…

The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Design Your Dream Kitchen

Deciding which products will fulfill your basic needs or that gaping hole in your heart can be stressful. The Onion’s Test Sweatshop is here to help. Every product we recommend has been tested for over 50,000 hours by our army of indentured product testers. The Onion doesn’t make any money off these recommendations… Read more…

Executives Urge Boycott Of Kellogg’s After CEO Receives Insulting Salary Offer Of $11 Million A Year

BATTLE CREEK, MI—Flooding social media with posts encouraging consumers to take action, executives reportedly urged a boycott of Kellogg’s Thursday after CEO Steve Cahillane received an insulting salary offer of just $11 million a year. “We’re calling on everyone to hold the line and not purchase any Kellogg’s… Read more from the Onion

What To Watch This Thanksgiving Weekend

Don’t know what to watch? Christ, what a sad problem. You’re pathetic. The Onion is here to uplift your miserable existence with recommendations for what to watch this long Thanksgiving weekend. Read more from the Onion