The Onion

Biden Scales Down $2 Trillion Climate Plan To Single Reusable Grocery Bag

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WASHINGTON—Putting forth a less ambitious legislative package in an effort to secure enough votes for passage in the Senate, President Joe Biden announced Wednesday that his original $2 trillion climate plan would be replaced with a scaled-back proposal to purchase a single reusable grocery bag. “For those members of…

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The Onion

Fact Sheet: Curing Your Covid-19 With Urine

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

Christopher Key, the leader of the “Vaccine Police” organization that opposes Covid-19 vaccinations, recently shared that drinking urine could cure coronavirus. As the world’s leading nonpartisan news source, The Onion strives to give our readers the facts and let them decide what is true. Here’s a fact sheet… Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Top Free Agents Of The MLB Offseason

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Although not as funny as Gabriel Iglesias or as good of a singer as Enrique Iglesias, Raisel is the best option baseball wise if you’re choosing an Iglesias. Read more from the Onion
The Onion

Rob Manfred Confirms Pete Rose Remains Ineligible From DraftKings Official MLB Hall Of Fame At Cooperstown

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

NEW YORK—Declaring that the former player would continue to be punished for tarnishing the game of baseball by gambling, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred confirmed to reporters Thursday that Pete Rose remains ineligible for election to the DraftKings Official MLB Hall of Fame at Cooperstown. “Being part of the DraftKings… Read more from the Onion

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