The Onion

Biden Pledges 500 Million Free Virus Tests To Counter Omicron

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President Biden has announced that next month, the government will start mailing free at-home Covid test kits to any U.S. household that requests one to help stop the spread of the omicron variant. What do you think?

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The Onion

Wayfair Shopper Who Didn’t Read Dimensions Would Never Have Bought Sofa If She Knew It Was 300 Feet Tall

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

OLATHE, KS—Kicking herself for failing to read the product’s dimensions, local woman Annalisa Farrell told reporters Friday that she never would have bought her new Wayfair sofa had she known it was 300 feet tall. “Goddamnit, this is all my fault,” said Farrell, who threw up her arms in exasperation and groaned as she… Read…
The Onion

Study Finds Women 32% More Likely To Die After Operation By Male Surgeon

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

A new study has revealed that women are 15% more likely to suffer a bad outcome and 32% more likely to die when operated on by a male surgeon than a female surgeon, with male surgeons’ “implicit sex biases” pointed out as one possible explanation. What do you think? Read more from the Onion
The Onion

FTC Questions Merger Of Google With U.S. Government

Posted on Author DonaldJTrump

WASHINGTON—Saying the move sparked antitrust concerns, as well as fears about the increased concentration of power in fewer corporate hands, the Federal Trade Commission questioned Tuesday the merger of Google with the U.S. government. “The proposal to merge Google, the three branches of government, and all 137… Read more from the Onion

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