Anchor Chris Wallace Leaving Fox News

Journalist Worried He’s Becoming The Story In His Sponsored Air Purifier Review

NEW YORK—Struggling to remain detached from his subject matter, local journalist James Malvern was reportedly worried Tuesday that he was becoming the story in his sponsored air purifier review. “While I set out to write a simple recommendation of the Air Fine 2700 to our readers, I couldn’t help but start… Read more from the…

White House: 95% Of Federal Workforce In Compliance With Vaccine Mandate

The White House has announced that 95% of the federal workforce is in compliance with the Biden administration’s vaccine mandate, with 90% of the 3.5 million federal workers already vaccinated and 5% submitting approved or pending exemption applications. What do you think? Read more from the Onion

Fish Way Too High On OxyContin Runoff To Give A Shit About Species’ Inevitable Extinction

SEATTLE—In a highly euphoric state after consuming opioids that had traveled downstream from a wastewater treatment plant, a local fish confirmed Tuesday that he was too high on OxyContin runoff to give a shit about the inevitable extinction of his species. “Man, I am fucking blasted right now!” the 36-inch male… Read more from the…